I’m not good at much. I’m not disciplined enough to keep up with something that doesn’t come naturally. I typically find myself purchasing things to use for hours before putting them away including: a guitar, a unicycle, a clarinet, countless small items and electronics that just never got use, gym memberships that don’t get touched nearly as often as I should have, attempting to budget my money multiple times. Quite frankly, this blog has a really high likelihood of being abandoned sooner than I want.
Backpacking itself is not a necessarily fun time. The excitement in preparing for a trip is great, as well as, the feeling of completion. When I first started backpacking, I had this romantic view of it. I saw constant images on the Internet from people who went out just for specific images. I went into the mentality that I would look for every spot possible for pictures during my first trip to the Eagle Rock Loop in Arkansas.
Needless to say, I made it a mile on that trip. I realized that I wasn’t in the right shape. My backpack was too heavy. I wasn’t prepared mentally. I finished that trip in the Flatside Wilderness with Will, my significant other’s father (Lilly). We ended up on a great trip but I felt a huge sense of failure. Not a single picture from that loop and I couldn’t finish it.
Crossing a stream along the Ouachita Trail in the Flatside Wilderness
Since then, I have honed my gear to a comfortable weight. I’ve spent more than I would like to admit on my gear but that’s well worth it. I’ve also changed my mentality about the trail.
Since my first trip or two, my mental preparation has made me more resilient. I am cognizant that the journey is about me. Completing what I prepare. Feeling that sense of accomplishment. I get on the trail to finish it; I go on the trail to meander through the wilderness and get away. I don’t need to think about work or drama in friend groups or anything other than my next stop for water and a snack.
A year after my attempt at the Eagle Rock Loop, I came back and completed it. One foot in front of the other. Talking to myself with encouragement. Hyping myself up. Telling myself that I will finish. I took very few pictures while hiking the Eagle Rock Loop. I decided to take one of the 20 photos taken during that trip, print it, and frame it. That would be my commemoration to that journey.
On the Eagle Rock Loop
The Appalachian Trail is a different beast. It’s something I didn’t think I would even attempt to hike despite discussing it for 3 years. It’s daunting and it’s nothing I’ve done in my past. As this trip gets closer and closer, the reality that I’m going to thru hike the AT is setting in. It wasn’t until earlier this week that I told Lilly, tearing up a bit, “You know, I’m going to miss you.”
Physically, I’m not entirely worried about this journey. It’s going to be one foot in front of the other until I decide not to go forward for the remainder of the day. The mental prep has been a different story. I’ve been telling myself every day that I’m living in luxury and the next 4-6 months are going to be really rough. This past Tuesday was in the mid-30’s, rainy, and 12 mph wind. “This isn’t cold. This isn’t cold. This isn’t cold.” is all I thought as I walked to and from my car throughout the day. “You can handle being in this minute by minute, day by day… You will handle this.”
The trail is going to require discipline that I haven’t had in the past. That’s scary. I’m hoping my pride keeps me on the trail.
This post kind of went in a different direction than I thought. Two paragraphs about the AT itself. My takeaway from this whole thing is that preparing myself has been much less of going through the trail mile by mile making sure I know every turn and more so recognizing that the trail is going to be brutal both mentally and physically.
